Around our twenties we seem to get anxious expectations. We want to rush. We want to move out of our parents home. We want to decorate our first apartment. We want an education. We want jobs. We want to meet new people and make lasting friendships. We want to go out late and dance in bars. We want to be free.
We want, want, and want.
But then.. We want more.
We want to know exactly what we will be doing for the rest of our lives. We want to have someone to come home to. We want someone to be there for us when we’re tired of all the nights out. We want someone to remind us that we matter. We want to have a secure relationship to fall back on. We want to know that we won’t be alone forever.
We want to have our whole lives planned, even though they just started.
When being with friends it’s common to talk about hopeful relationships, “I hope I meet my future husband when I go here this summer!”
When I began my freshman year of college, I loved being single. I went out and did whatever I wanted. Each time a guy tried getting serious, I would immediately think of my freedom disappearing. After awhile, my freedom got old. I wanted more. Many of my friends had boyfriends, which made me feel more lonely. I began to over think about how I wanted a boyfriend. I became fixated on the idea of having a boyfriend.
I don’t need a boyfriend. I don’t need someone to fall back on. I don’t need to be intentionally looking for someone. I don’t want to date someone, because I’m not independent enough to be alone. I want to date someone, because I want to date them. I don’t want someone to date me, because they aren’t independent enough to be alone. I want someone to date me, because they want to date me.
I need to learn who I am. I need to spend time with myself. I need to realize what I want in life, and how to get there. I need to scream songs at the top of my lungs alone. I need to read as many books as possible. I need to succeed in school. I need to know how to be whole by myself.
I need to shape myself for myself. I need to shape myself for my future husband. I need to shape myself for my future family.
When intentionally looking for someone, you’re most likely not going to find the one. You may settle, because you didn’t want to be alone. One day you may always wonder what could have been. You may have never learned how to be whole by yourself.
You are not a half, waiting to be complete my someone else. You are whole. You should be with someone who reminds you that you are whole all by yourself.
Despite our parents telling us that there is someone out there, we all have this fear rooted in us that we will never find them.
Right now your future spouse may not be ready for you. Maybe they are shaping themselves for themselves. Maybe they are shaping themselves for you. Maybe they are shaping themselves for your future family.
Don’t live your life searching. Don’t live your life planning. Don’t live your life in fear. Just live.
“What’s comin’ will come and we’ll meet it when it does” -Hagrid